ponyboyismyhomeboy:

neverhappened13:

babyferaligator:

how many gummy vitamins do i need to eat to kill myself

when I was like 5 1/2 I legitimately went to the hospital for eating like 2 whole jars it was great

i love u

buttsdotcom:

I need to lose 30 pounds in today

buttsdotcom:

I need to lose 30 pounds in today

buttsdotcom:

I need to lose 30 pounds in today

• doctor: are you sexually active
• me: i'm not even physically active

yourhogwartsletter:

karenandthababes:

can you imagine if I order a pizza from pizza hut, dominos, and papa johns and told them to be at my house by a certain time and they all came at the same time do you know how awkward that would be

#gentlemen #I bet you’re wondering why I’ve gathered you all here today

#I’m here to talk to you about the Pizza Initiative

#the only thing that would make it worse is if you opened the door while eating digiorno

so-many-feels:

deucebowl:

If I were a magic wizard I wouldn’t harm people when they pissed me off, I’d just put these really fucked up random curses on them, like every time they saw a school bus they would shit their pants, or every time someone said the word Thursday they would pretend they were a dragon for 20 seconds.

i think you would be a very good wizard.

wild-lion:

if you think i’m ugly now you should have seen me in 2009

-circa:

I hate hearing the crack in people’s voices before they’re about to cry.